


Take you by the hand, try to understand

by Beleriandings



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Hand Kisses, M/M, background hak/yona, grey asexual Kija
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-10 06:08:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10430826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beleriandings/pseuds/Beleriandings
Summary: On the night of the Senri village fire festival, Jae-ha finds Kija watching from a distance. [Prompt: Jae-ha/Kija, a kiss on the hands]





	

Kija had been leaning against the railing of a the walkway surrounding one of the houses, just a little way off from the cleared space in the centre of the village, where the festivities would carry on late into the night. Jae-ha could see the dancers, and hear music and laughter, drifting towards them across in the night air. He shivered. Northern Kai was colder than Kouka, and there was a definite bite in the air at night, this far away from the fires. For a moment he wondered why Kija had wandered away on his own, but a moment later his question was answered for him; following Kija’s gaze back to where they could clearly see Hak and Yona sitting on a low stone step at the edge of the space that had been cleared as a dancefloor. They weren’t dancing, just talking quietly, but even from this far off, there was something in the exact set of their bodies with respect to each other, the space between them, that was full of meaning and the promise of things to come.

And then here was Kija, his arms folded across his chest and his fists clenched, face hard and seemingly wilfully frozen. As though he were a statue carved of brittle stone, firelight dancing across the smooth skin of his face, glimmering off his bright scales as his hand curled around his elbow. His arms were wrapped protectively about himself as he watched from a distance. Yona was still dressed in her elaborate Kai headdress and necklaces, a thousand small, bright beads glimmering in the light of the fires as she moved. Jae-ha had been playing the flute when she had danced her sword dance earlier, and it had been all _he_ could do not to stop playing and simply stare, just as Kija was doing now.

 _Ah_ , thought Jae-ha, and understood. “Kija!” he called. “Not enjoying the fire festival?”

Kija looked up at that, his expression slipping through surprise, to embarrassment, to simply mild exasperation as he met Jae-ha’s eye. “I thought you were playing for the dancers, Jae-ha” he said.

Jae-ha shrugged. “I was” he said, smiling sidelong. “I couldn’t let the others be overshadowed by my exquisite tones all evening.”

Kija rolled his eyes. “I thought you went to dance, then.”

“I did” he agreed. “But now I’m here.”

Kija raised an eyebrow, and Jae-ha could see his eyes sliding down his face and down to his collar and his neck. There, he surmised from Kija’s look of weary, half-hearted disapproval - tempered with something else he couldn’t quite so simply put a name to - the girl from earlier with the bright ribbons in her hair had left a mark on him. Well, it was only to be expected, given her spirit and enthusiasm in dragging him away from the dancers and pushing him up against the wall behind a storehouse; quite a delightful young lady, really. Still, not the person Jae-ha wanted with him tonight. He had broken off that encounter politely enough, but quite uncharacteristically soon. _Ah, the old age of dragons, a time for madness and broken off things._

“Why?” said Kija, a little abruptly. “I thought… I assumed you were…” he faltered, but didn’t look away, even though Jae-ha could see the blush rising on his cheeks and neck in the flickering light of a multitude of torches, lamps and firepits. Kija seemed to cast around for the right words, blushing even harder, “…… assumed you weren’t… lacking for company.”

Jae-ha smiled wryly. “If I am, as you say, _lacking for company_ … it’s certainly my own fault.”

“Jae-ha! I hope you haven’t been bringing dishonour on the name of the four dragon warriors by mistreating some poor, innocent - ”

“Frankly, I’m slightly insulted… do you really suppose I’d do a thing like that?” Jae-ha interrupted, holding up his hands up defensively. “How ugly an action that would be. But really, my dear Kija, don’t you know by now that my ardour cools rather when it’s _me_ that’s the one being pursued.” He laughed. “Besides, her friend the village elder’s daughter was making _such_ eyes at her, I half wonder if she was only toying with a beautiful stranger like me as some game of their own. And fair play to them and I hope they enjoy it, but tonight I don’t quite feel like being a piece in anyone else’s game of love…”  

“Jae-ha…”

He broke off, as Kija interrupted him, clearly no longer listening. “What is it, Kija?”

“Do you ever…. I mean… s-seeing other people, does it make you…” Kija blushed even darker, his eyes dropping.

“Make me… what?” he felt a slow smile spread over his face; teasing Kija was so familiar and always enjoyable, the way the blush spread over his cheeks so endearing to watch. A harmless distraction, he told himself; a tonic for what travelling with this group was doing to his heart, day by day. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean, Kija… you’ll have to explain in more detail…”

Kija squared his shoulders, hands balled into fists at his sides. He looked up at Jae-ha defiantly, and to Jae-ha’s surprise there was real hurt in Kija’s eyes, enough to make him at least slightly regret his teasing. He twitched a little as Kija unexpectedly took hold of his arm - and every time he did that, Jae-ha half expected those claws to slice through the fine silk of his sleeve, but Kija was always so _careful_ , and that gentle consideration was going to be the end of him one day, Jae-ha felt sure. The tearing at the edges of Kija’s voice made his smile fall from his face.

“I don’t understand” said Kija. “People…. finding each other, and being able to… to know that their feelings are… returned…” he unclasped his hands with clear effort, staring at his palms. He was perhaps slightly drunk, Jae-ha realised; that was surely the only reason he’d be saying such things. But if so, only slightly; his eyes were still clear.  

“It’s easy, really” he said, smiling back at Kija. “You just…” he swept up Kija’s dragon hand in his, admiring the play of light off his pearlescent scales. He felt his heart accelerate a little; he had never supposed that dragon scales could be beautiful in themselves, before he had met Kija. It simply hadn’t occurred to him. _Well, a lot of things had changed since he had begun travelling with Yona’s group of strange companions, hadn’t they?_ He could feel Kija’s eyes on him as he leaned forward slowly and deliberately to kiss Kija’s knuckles, letting his lips linger against the rough scales.

“J…Jae…Jae-ha…” stammered Kija as Jae-ha raised his head again. He looked flustered, as though he wanted to pull his hand away, but was unable to quite bring himself to actually make the motion. Kija gritted his teeth.

Jae-ha smiled slightly. “Oh dear, Kija, I wish you could see your face right now. You don’t need to go into everything like you’re about to run into battle, Kija. You’ll find someone” his voice softened. “If that’s what you want, of course.” He attempted a carefree laugh. “Why, any number of beautiful people would be clamouring for your affections. In fact, didn’t I see you brushing off the advances of several young ladies and gentlemen earlier? You should be gentler with their hearts you know, Kija; anything else is simply cruel. But even so, you could have anyone you wanted, you would only have to say the word…”  

“That’s not what I mean!” flared Kija; he really did pull his hand away this time. “And you know it.”

In fairness, Jae-ha supposed he _had_ known that. “Then what _do_ you mean?”

“…..Oh, it doesn’t matter” muttered Kija, his face turning even more crimson. He was still upset though, Jae-ha could see, even though Kija was avoiding his eye now.

“But it clearly does, to you.”

Kija raised his head; ah yes, again with that defiant, head-on stare. “When I was back in my village…. ah…. my Granny and all the villagers wanted me to get married, and the village girls would try to… to….” he was breathing fast and uneven. “Ah… I didn’t want… that… sort of affection, even though every past Hakuryuu has had several wives at least! Maybe _that’s_ what’s wrong with me.”

Jae-ha let out a sigh. “Nothing’s _wrong_ with you, Kija. For what it’s worth, marriage proposals as a form of flirting leave me cold, too. I don’t think that’s anything to be wondered at.”

“Mmph” said Kija. “But then they would surprise me by trying… wanting to do all sorts of things that were…. ah… technically necessary for creating an heir, I suppose, but I didn’t want to… I mean… I barely even _knew_ most of them! Not properly, anyway…”

 _And if it was someone you did know, then how would it be?_ Jae-ha wanted to ask. But he said nothing, merely tilting his head and listening.  

Kija frowned again. “I suppose what I’m trying to say is…. _how_ , Jae-ha? I can understand… wanting something… _maybe_ ….” here his eyes flickered involuntarily across Jae-ha’s face and to the Princess and Hak, his face souring, “ but how can two people meet each other, and have it just be _simple_ , and easy, and they both feel the same about one another? How can it _not_ all just be…. dreadfully _embarrassing_?”

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say _simple_ ” said Jae-ha softly. “But at the very least it doesn’t _always_ have to be embarrassing. It depends on what you want, and what the other person wants.”

“I… I…” Jae-ha saw Kija’s eyes going to one side again, to where Yona and Hak still stood; just talking, and yet even Kija could tell there was far more to it than that. “I don’t _know_ what I want!” said Kija, in obvious frustration. “I… want to serve the Princess, of course, but also….”

“Also…?” prompted Jae-ha. Kija looked up into his face with that combination of sweet vulnerability and utter, bullheaded stubbornness and resolve, that, Jae-ha was forced to acknowledge, would surely be his downfall, someday. It was what had first drawn him to Yona since he had watched her walk a narrow path above a sheer sea cliff on shaking feet to prove her worth, and Kija certainly had his own version of it too; he had come to realise that more slowly, over the course of the time they had travelled together.

And Kija was just as beautiful as the Princess in a way that was different, all his own; that hit Jae-ha like a physical impact to the chest at that moment, in the flickering light that played on Kija’s silver hair, his flushed cheeks and imploring eyes.  

 _Dragon’s blood_ , Jae-ha thought desperately. _The blood calls to its own, binding the four dragons together against their will_. That must surely be all it was; but then again, beauty was above and apart from such things, a more accustomed and trusted measure. And certainly Kija was beautiful, just as the Princess was. There was no denying that. Or perhaps it had been the incident with the love potion…? But then, its influence was supposed to fade, wasn’t it? It wasn’t supposed to leave a permanent mark on his heart.  

“I…. I just want to understand” said Kija, his eyes once more sliding off Jae-ha’s face and back to Yona and Hak. “I’ve realised…” he took a deep breath, fixing his eyes deliberately back on Jae-ha’s. “When I left the village, I thought I knew everything about the world. That I was trained for anything, ready to do everything I might need to. But I suppose I don’t know much, in the end.”  

Jae-ha smiled, as Kija dropped his head, lifting Kija’s chin with a finger under his chin. “Nor do I. Nor does the Princess, or the Thunder Beast, or anyone in fact. I sometimes think that’s the only real truth of it.”

Kija’s eyes widened. “You think so?”

“Probably” said Jae-ha, shrugging.

“ _Probably?_ ”

“Do you expect _me_ to be certain, Kija?” he smirked. “I don’t really understand people so well either, let alone love.”

“But you _do_!” insisted Kija. “Stop mocking me, Jae-ha. You must! You understand well enough what to do when… how to handle… ah….” he tailed off.

“I’m not mocking you! But you make matters of love sound like such a terrible _obligation_ ” said Jae-ha, trying for a languid tone.

Kija murmured something inaudible, turning away from Jae-ha.

“What did you say?”

“Well, for me it always was” said Kija in a small voice.  

Jae-ha’s eyes widened. “Th-that…. isn’t how it _has_ to be” said Jae-ha. “It should bring you joy, otherwise there’s no point to it.” Though of course, he had had his moments too; the times when he had been so desperate for companionship, physical pleasure to blow away all the creeping dread of his past and his future conspiring to close in about him in a present that held him fast as a steel trap. Times when despite all that, he couldn’t bring himself to trust another person with the knowledge of his dragon leg, desperate and paralysed by how ugly it was. The other extreme, when he had agreed to things he didn’t really want, with people he didn’t really trust, just to feel the thrill of danger, learning all his lessons the hard way. Those times were past now, mostly, but the memory of them was still an overhanging pall, blackness dragging at his heels at times as the old fear clawed its way up his throat.

“Well, I didn’t expect you to understand anyway” said Kija, beginning to turn away.

“No” said Jae-ha quickly, catching his arm. “Wait, don’t….” he took a breath. “Kija… come back to the dancefloor with me, hmm?”

“You go. I’d rather go to sleep; the celebrations were giving me a headache anyway. I will see you back in the tent when you are…” he pursed his lips, voice prim again and sharp as glass, “…quite finished. I wouldn’t want you to… waste your time dealing with someone like me who doesn’t understand these things, anyway. Not when there are others you could be with.”

“Kija, that’s just unfair” said Jae-ha, a little sharply. He forgave Kija, of course, because he understood; he knew what seeing Yona and Hak together did to his own heart, and for Kija - who knew less of love - it must be even more confusing. So instead of snapping back, or teasing Kija, he drew in a long breath. “All right.”

“Hmm? Jae-ha?”

“It’s fine if you want to return to the tent. I’ll come with you.”

Kija’s eyes widened. “Oh, no, you don’t need to…”

“I want to.” He looked over at the dancers. “Somehow, I’m not quite in the mood to return to dancing tonight.”

“…Oh” said Kija. “Well… ah! _Jae-ha_!”

Jae-ha laughed; he had picked Kija up in mid-sentence, leaping from the ground straight upwards into the star-strewn sky. The fires dwindled below them; that and the cold wind slapping at his face was enough to chase away the larger part of the heaviness in his heart. As it always had been, of course. But now Kija was with him too, and at least the squeak of alarm that was half-born on his lips was better than whatever melancholia he had been on the brink of falling into. Jae-ha was of the opinion that anything was.

He landed swiftly at the edge of the village where they had pitched their tents, setting Kija gracefully down on his feet. “Kija, you’re going to break my bones one day” he said, wincing with pain as Kija uncurled his clawed fingers stiffly from Jae-ha’s upper arm, which he had grasped at in his alarm.    

“And you might well deserve it” huffed Kija, but there was no heat in it. “What were you thinking with that, hmm?”

“That you had said you wanted to go to sleep” said Jae-ha, feigning innocence. He grinned, affecting a deep bow and the best imitation of Kija’s voice he could, holding open the tent flap for Kija. “Your wish is my command.”

Kija groaned. “If you’re here and you’re going to stay, will you at least sleep?”

“Hmm, possibly” said Jae-ha. He lay down and curled up in the blankets as he watched Kija take off his shoes, then slip off his outer robe and fold it with typically fastidious care in the dim light. Jae-ha realised then that it had been true what he had said; for tonight, at least, he was happier here with Kija than out there.  There would be other days to drink and dance and fall into someone’s arms, or to play music in the firelit night air. Other days to listen to Zeno’s meandering or just plain silly stories, to tease Shin-ah and make Yoon snap at him in affectionate exasperation, to provoke Hak to hit back at him with barbed words that nevertheless held a smile beneath. Other days to see Yona’s smile and - despite knowing that it would destroy him in the end - enjoy the way it cut into his heart, devastatingly sweet. He knew he didn’t have that many days left to him, but there _would_ be other days; he found himself more sure of that than he had ever been, now.

Tonight, though, he was content to lie down as Kija curled up on his bedroll beside him, on his side so that they were looking each other, the central tent pole separating them. It was almost completely dark, the only light being the slice of russet-gold firelight that filtered through the little crack they had left in the tent flap, its glow falling across Kija’s face. Kija blinked a little in the light, drawing forward so it no longer fell in his eyes, but in the process coming a little closer to Jae-ha.

“Thank you, Jae-ha” said Kija, very quietly. Jae-ha stared at him in the blackness.  

“…For what?”

“What you said before…”

Jae-ha winced. “Which part? …I said a lot of things before.”  

But he broke off, taking in a quick breath as Kija grasped his hand in the darkness, cradling it between between skin and scales, imitating Jae-ha’s action from earlier. Quickly, he kissed Jae-ha’s fingers, and the feeling of warm, soft lips and smooth, uncallused human fingers in counterpoint to rough scales lingered on his skin, long after Kija had dropped his hand rather awkwardly back on the blanket between them.

“Oh” said Jae-ha into the darkness, smiling to himself as Kija drew back and curled up in his blankets. “That part.”


End file.
